


Glitches are Bitches but They’ll Never be as Bad as Dying Moments Before Reaching a Save Point

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Glitches, M/M, Virtual Reality, video games - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-21
Updated: 2015-04-21
Packaged: 2018-03-25 02:52:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3793942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave is a game tester for the latest virtual reality game. Supposedly, this game's NPCs have a brilliant AI system. What happens when Dave discovers a glitch that prevents him from returning to the real world?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Glitches are Bitches but They’ll Never be as Bad as Dying Moments Before Reaching a Save Point

**Author's Note:**

> What am I even doing.
> 
> 04/25/15***Edit*** Fixed up minor errors.

Dave wakes up to the shouting of what seems to be the loudest man on earth. He also hears the sound of trampling, and metal clicking. He looks up and stares at the slightly opened door. Dave sees several medieval-looking men rushing to an unknown destination. If Dave had to take a wild guess, he’d say that they were rushing outside. The blond turns his body sideways, and slides the pillow on top of his head.

He has no fucking idea what the heck is going on, and he really doesn’t care. Dave finds that the pillows feels like it was constructed from the wings of a newborn angel, and the sheets are made of fluffy kittens. Two more minutes of pure bliss, he thinks to himself.

“Dave, get up! You’re not supposed to be sleeping while you’re playing a game!” a disembodied voice scolds. Dave grunts drags himself to the edge of the bed. One arm flops on the ground, and the other squeezes the pillow on top of his head.

“No,” he mutters back.

“You’re supposed be our game tester, and I swear to god, I’ll request for someone to hurt you while your unconscious body lies in our studio,” the voice threatens.

“Hmm.”

Suddenly, Dave feels a pinch on his nose. He rolls right off the edge of the bed pulls the velvet sheets with him. In panic, he looks up and sees no one. Grudgingly, he takes the sheet and throws it back onto the bed.

“Jesus, what the hell,” Dave grumbles. He tilts his head towards the ceiling and glares at it.

“Welcome to the 1.2 Alpha version of our newest game: Chose Your Own Adventure!” Roxy announces. “Made by the awesome studio Catpumpkin, of course,” she adds with pride.

“I know the name of your studio, Roxy,” Dave replies. “You’re my boss? I work for you? Do you not remember any of this or am I shitting myself right now?”

“Hush! I just wanted to announce this to all our tester players, alright? We’ve waited decades for technology to be advanced enough to create this game. This is my life’s work, so let me have my moment, okay thanks,” Roxy says with a huff.

Roxy’s voice emits through the tester’s head clearly. It feels like she’s speaking to directly, but Dave knows that he’s actually hearing her voice via headphones. Trippy.

“I know, you worked hard, Roxy. But, you could have given me a little bit more time to get used to being mentally separated by my body, and separated from reality.”

“Well, sorry. I’m just really excited because we’ve been working for like how many years on this Dave! So, here’s the big question: How’s our game so far, Dave?” Roxy asks in a very excited tone. She’s so excited. Did this story announce how excited Roxy Lalonde was for this game? Well, she was sort of excited.

Pushing his annoyance aside for Roxy’s unrequested wake-up-call, Dave replies sincerely, “Pretty good, Roxy.” A loud yawn quickly follows. “Tell my brothers I’m not dead yet.”

“Naw, I’ll just let Dirk and your Bro worry about their baby brother for a bit,” Roxy replies teasingly. Dave suppresses the urge to groan.

“Roxy, I’m twenty. Don’t call me their ‘baby’ bro.” Dave gives a disgusted expression to the ceiling. He doesn't appreciate being called a child by anyone. 

There’s a sound of shuffling, and Roxy says, “Wait, Dave. BRB, I need to confirm with my peps that your body is perfectly fine, and we won’t get sued by well-dressed people.”

“In the event I need to wake up, please tell the hottest employee in CatPumpkin to kiss me Snow White style,” Dave says. He can almost hear Roxy’s eye roll.

“Don’t leave the room, okay Dave? We don’t want you triggering any events yet. It might cause problems, yadda-yadda-yadda.” Roxy calls.

“You have my eternal promise,” Dave calls to her. Roxy doesn’t reply.

“I’m assuming that’s a no on the Snow White thing,” Roxy still doesn't reply.

Dave decides to walk around the room as he stretches out. His arms felt so much better and less tense. He can’t believe that what he’s feeling is not his body. The blond decided to press his hand on his face, and was slightly surprised to find that his hands no longer emitted warmth. Of course, when you’re in a virtual reality game like this, everything is only an illusion.

The only sensations Dave will ever feel in this game, are one’s programmed intentionally. It’s very weird to think about the fact that things like temperature or people in this game are merely bars of computer code, but hey. Dave doesn’t dwell on existential crisis’s. In conclusion, Dave may think that these limbs in front of him is his body, but they are actually a sea of infinite 0’s and 1’s. Fuck, technology was incredible.

“By the way, the graphics are flipping amazing, Ro-lal,” Dave says with a grin. “I could even see the hair on my arms. Color me impressed.”

Roxy was probably still out, so Dave decides to sit and chill for a bit.

The game tester begins testing his reflexes in the new game environment. Since his senses were no longer synced with his body, it takes quite a while before he can fully control this virtual body. Dave starts by touching every finger to his thumb. Amazing. Dave can’t seem to get the pinky yet. Wait, never mind. Dave has accomplished the impossible. Thumbs and pinkies have rightfully been united. Dave has become fully immersed into the digital world. No applause please.

Wow, this is boring. Dave wants to get right into the action immediately, but unless Roxy gives him the okay, he can’t do anything. Unamused by his newly found motor skills, Dave decides to look around the room.

The first thing Dave notices: this room is an absolute monstrosity. What is this shade of brown? Dave decides that he needs to consult the design team the minute his back in the real world. The second thing he notices: the room is rather empty, save for a night stand, a sword, and a pair of shades.

Prior to this alpha-version of the game, there was a beta. And in the beta, Dave did not have a pair of shades. At all. He was very satisfied that he bitched long enough for people on Roxy’s team to design, and program the shades in. He walks over to the spectacles and puts them on. Some would say that Dave Strider grinned a mega-watt smile that day.

“Okay Dave, everything seems to be going well. We’re going to send you info and your objectives for the game. Once you finish the objectives, the game will safely eject you from your link to the database. By the way, you got to tell me if you feel any sort of pain. If you do, we’ll call off the session,” Roxy reports.

“Yeah, I know the drill,” was Dave’s reply. Immediately, he feels a pulse of data rushing into his head. The process takes a while, but it’s not uncomfortable. It feels like recalling one’s own memories.

Before Dave was even considered for a job as a virtual reality game tester, he had to know to basic rundown of this game. So here’s how Roxy’s game works: “Chose Your Own Adventure” is what this game is essentially is. Player’s have to opportunity Chose Their Own Adventure in a free-roam and open world.

With every game, there is a story-mode, and free-play mode. Dave’s job report any glitch he encounters in the story-mode of the game.

The story mode will assign players a character to play. Based on the player’s skill set, learning abilities, and how experienced they are in making good choices in life, the AI in the virtual reality simulation gives them a class and a character. The main goal of the story mode is to complete every, and all objectives set by the character the player has been given.

Each game session takes approximately one hour, or three game days. When players are finished with the game, they are safely ejected. If they don’t finish, they’re still safely ejected, but as a tester, Dave was required to finish the entire story mode session.

Dave is pretty weary about Roxy’s matchup system. If Dave gets a chump character, he has to go through with that character’s story. Since Dave found himself in what he now assumes to be a guard’s barrack, he hopes that he somehow has the “Thief” story. Their goals were to basically sneak into the royal castle, and fuck shit up.

The character-story concept is pretty cool, and Dave has to admit, very unique. He imagines that the game would be so much better as co-op, or multi-player, but Roxy’s studio didn’t have the resources to make the magic happen. You would have had a good time playing this game with Roxy herself.

The only thing Dave was going to interact in this game is with NPCs. Dave figures that the NPCs weren’t too bad. Apparently, Roxy has been gloating about the new tech she has for her NPCs. Usually, NPCs only gave out prompts that players can chose, but the 24-year-old genius figured out a way to create NPCs who can respond to basic sentences. It’s still a new concept, but Dave is honestly looking forward to interacting with them.

“Is the downloading done yet, Roxy?” Dave bitches. I want to go out into the world already.”

“Sorry. We just need the AI to assign you a character. You can’t start the story mode without an objective,” Roxy states.

After minutes of waiting, the download is complete.

“Oh, Go check out the character’s archives right now,” Roxy says excitedly. “I’m really curious to see how well our AI matched you up!” The grown woman sounds like she’s getting married. Dave can’t help but feel a little pumped up as well. He’s been preparing months to play this alpha, and this is a pretty crucial step in the testing process.

Dave nods, and raises his right hand in front of him. He makes a peace sign, and slides his two fingers to the left. A transparent menu pops right up, and Dave’s hand immediately hovers over the stat category. He’s interested in his character’s learning ability and fight style, so he launches the viewer.

[ **Title: Guardsman** ]

[ **Amateur Fighter** ]

[ **Weapon Grades: Sword +7**

**Knife +4**

**Spear +3**

[A quick agile character. His move set consists of fast, effective attacks. Endurance is this character’s strong point and is recommended that in combat player will utilize this skill to slowly wear an opponent out. However, this character lacks combat knowledge and will often rush into battle with no strategy. Almost no magical abilities, relies on skill alone.]

“I’m a guardsman,” Dave says amused.

“Oh! I made that character especially for you <3!” Roxy gushes. “Our AI, matched you up perfectly! Oh and did you see your objectives yet, Dave?”

“Um, no. By the way, since you programmed this character personally, is there any chance that he has the ability to conjure up apple juice from thin air, or am I going to have to buy them in this world,” Dave asks sardonically.

“No Dave, I gave him time traveling powers, and the ability to freestyle rap,” Roxy shoots back. “You have to focus man; I’m really trying to make our conversations sound super official and everything.”

“Ouch. Okay, okay.” Dave sighs. “I’ll go check them out now.”

He closes the window and the original menu fades back in. He opens the viewer for the “story journal.”

“Roxy, what’s with this character? He totally sucks,” Dave bitches. On the screen, the word “knight” is highlighted in the top corner. The rest of the page appears to be blank. (It’s probably an event recorder or something like that.) Since Dave’s detective skills were really fucking awesome, he knows from the word “knight” his only objective is to become a knight. God, this character is a tool. It’s like he walked out from a weak ass pulp-fiction-wannabe-fanfiction where the hero of the book slays some god-forsaken dragon on top of Mt. Olympus or something. That sounds like a huge amount of work that Dave wants no part of.

“What do you mean he sucks, he’s like you virtual soul mate!” Roxy moans out loud. She doesn’t seem to be ticked off at all, so Dave continues to whine.

“I don’t even know the first thing about being a knight. I don’t even know history, Roxy. I don’t even remember the Alamo,” he sighs dramatically and stares at the wall.

 “Sorry Dave, I just make the game. I really can’t help you with that,” Roxy says. “Anyway, I’m going to have to disable the two-way communication with you, Dave. We could still monitor you and junk, but from this point on, it’ll be all up to you. Plus, this is taking up too much power. Sooo, good luck, see you in an hour.”

“Wait, Roxy. Believe or not, I was like half-serious there. Wait Roxy, I don’t know what the fuck is a knight.”

“Okay, um. The heir! Just follow the heir around and kiss his ass or something,” Roxy says a bit too quickly for Dave to understand her.

“Wait, no. I didn’t hear you clearly, you bitch!”

“Bye, Dave!” The room goes silent, and Dave is left glaring at the ceiling. He seems to be doing that a hell lot in this game.

“Thanks, Roxy that was a shit ton of help,” Dave yells. She seemed like she was in a panic, but Dave didn’t feel like looking into that. Her cat probably wandered into the studio, and sneezed on Dave’s real world face. Gross.

Dave closes the menu all together and sighs. Good lord, he’s going to have to know which NPC is the heir. Crap.

Dave feels that he slacked off for long enough. He knows for a fact that he’s in some sort of barrack for the guards. Dave peeks out from the room and sticks his head out enough for him to look around. He looks down to the left, and sees a courtyard in the distance. Some of the other guards appeared to have gathered around it. An assembly of some kind seems to be taking place. In that direction, Dave could hear the sound of someone trying to gain the crowd's attention. Dave ignores them and turns to the right. At the end, he sees a door with a sign attached to it. He’s too far away to read it.

Options. Dave could go along with the other guards and try to find out the whole process to become a knight by asking. OR, he could go through the mysterious door, and knowing how video games work, that’s actually a good thing.

He grabs the sword and attaches it to his carrier. It’s freezing, and Dave attempts to hold back a sneeze. He looks out the only window in his room. The sun is just beginning to peak from the digital horizon.

Okay. Three days to become the best knight this digital world has ever hoped to see.

Dave rushed from his room, to the right end of the hallway. He’s somewhat aware of the consequences guards face when they don’t report for duty, and it really hinders his time. He’s cautious and tries not to make any loud steps. The door isn’t that far down from Dave’s room, so reaching it was a breeze.

The entire hallway is poorly lit, so Dave leans in close to read the sign. It simply reads “Secret Castle Entrance”. Roxy you made this game too fucking easy. On the bottom, in a smaller font, it reads, “Generals, and high-ranking officers only.”

Dave scoffs. “Well, it looks like I’ve been promoted to a high-ranking officer.” He opens the door quietly and slides in. In front of him is a spiraling staircase. It reminds him of his house back in Texas. So much damn stairs.

Dave rolls his eyes behind his shades, and decides to look underneath the staircase. Since this is a game, there should be a crap load of treasure chests everywhere. Plus, Roxy was a huge fan of Final Fantasy, so it’s expected of her to put references in.

Nope, Dave finds barrels and a few crates full of helmets. Damn, this game is going to be exhausting. He pulls out his sword, and for the heck of it, cuts the crates into pieces.


End file.
